


cloudy

by didyousaygay



Series: My Personal Solar System [5]
Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24948664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didyousaygay/pseuds/didyousaygay
Summary: when reality hits you like a lightning bolt
Relationships: Stellvester Ajero/John Paulo Nase
Series: My Personal Solar System [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774648
Kudos: 27





	cloudy

  
Stell kicks his blanket off, the poor fabric flying off to the edge of the bed, he wants to feel bad for it but as he sits up to check his phone for the time and the screen almost blinds him with 3:15 am, he just feels sorry for himself. He can't even remember how many times he tossed and turned, counted sheep, dogs, all the farm animals he can think of and sighed numerous times into the uncaring darkness of their room but he's still wide awake. 

It's monsoon season and there is a storm brewing outside, the perfect mood to curl under the sheets and sleep his worries away. Highlight on the supposed to. He is supposed to be sleeping soundly after their rigorous dance rehearsal but his mind seems to have plans of its own.

3:30 am

He lies down again. He can see a flash of lightning through the curtain veil.

3:40 am

The storm outside has not died down.

  
3:45 am

He's still up.

3:50 am

His introspection reminded him of Sejun who was showing signs of an incoming flu earlier this morning. Their leader insisted that he's fine and practice must go on and so by the end of the day, it's not much of a surprise to everyone that the flu is really starting to make its presence known.

They were sitting at the back of the van, the other three members totally knocked out from exhaustion when Sejun spoke to him with a scratchy voice.

"Stell, sa taas ako ng deck matutulog. Baka mahawa ka eh."

He looks at Sejun, planning to argue with the elder but before he can say a word, Sejun gave him _the look_ and spoke with finality. "Wag ka nang makipagtalo alam mo namang may point ako." 

"Okay." was all he managed to say. If Sejun can still emit the pinuno vibe, there's nothing to worry about, they are still sleeping in the same room and if Sejun really falls sick, he will know. That's just how they work. 

He was too tired to think and argue with him anyways and by the time they reached the condo, every one was just overly eager to clean up and rest. They went straight to their room and without a word, Sejun climbed up on his top bunk while he lied down on his lower bunk looking forward to the rest and relaxation that they deserve.

Which painfully brings him back to the present, wide awake, staring into nothingness as he listens to the soft rustles above him, Sejun tossing and turning, he can even hear the blankets brush his skin as he moves, his shallow breathing audible through the low hum of the air conditioning unit. 

He's hyper aware of everything and nope.. no, no that's not good. If he focused hard enough, he can even count Sejun's breathing per minute. Is he really alright up there?

The thing about being room mates for so long is that despite not sleeping on the same bed tonight, he knows Sejun is still awake. They are both aware that they have been tossing and turning like idiots for the past few hours but neither one says a word. 

Or maybe they both know that it is rather pointless to talk about something that is obvious. They both agreed to sleep in their own beds. So what?? 

He hears Sejun sigh and move closer to the edge of his bed. 

He gathers the will not to stand up and check on him. He forces himself not to say anything. There's nothing for him to say anyway, no reason to disturb Sejun or laugh at each other just because they are on the brink of being zombies when morning comes.

It is not even a laughing matter, they both need to rest. Sejun is probably thinking of the same thing anyways. So yes, there's nothing wrong if they don't talk for one night. No big deal. Yeah. 

He sighs and checks his clock again, with utmost regret this time.

4:15 am

Sejun, being the responsible leader is just making sure that no one else falls sick and that's the right thing to do.

So why is he restless when he can now have all the space that he needs? 

They bicker every night when they sleep together, with Sejun taking the blanket all for himself, telling him that "Ang hilig mong matulog ng nakahubad tapos hahanap ka ng kumot." and he would argue that they could use their own blankets and they don't have to share but they still magically end up using the same one when they wake up.

Or every time he complains that the space is too cramped. Sejun would laugh out loud but at the same time, move closer to the wall to give him more space. He would still complain and they would wake up in the morning squeezed together against the wall. 

_and now the wall seems too far away.._

4:20 am

_they argue over petty things but they still end up sleeping on the same bed.._

4:25 am

_when did they even start sleeping on the same bed??_

_who even thought of it in the first place??_

_they have been so used to sleeping on the same bed that he cant sleep alone anymore.._

No, he can sleep alone, he tries to justify the thoughts in his head. 

It's just knowing that Sejun is up there on his own bed, making him extra aware that he could be sleeping beside him but...

wait..

wait.. 

wait.. wait..

_sandale!!_

Okay, now sleep deprivation is causing him to think of irrational thoughts.

_Eh ano ngayon kung hindi kami tabi ni Sejun? Kaya ko naman matulog mag isa._

He nods, justifying his reason.

5:15 am

His reasoning kept him up until morning while the storm outside slowly calms down.

Day 2 of rehearsal for their upcoming concert and Sejun is still in his self imposed isolation. Every time they stop for in between breaks, four of them would gather in one corner of the dance studio and Sejun will be in the opposite end. Responsibility at its finest and Stell knows he is brooding unreasonably, he mentally kicks himself for that as he observes Sejun from a distance.

"Hoy dre, anong atraso sa'yo ni Sejun?" 

Josh taps his shoulder, a little too brash for his liking but maybe because he's not listening to him at all. His attention is all focused on Sejun, because he's looking after him, in case their stubborn leader really falls sick, he will be there to help him out. That is why he can't keep his eyes away from him. _Yeah. Oo. Ganon. Walang maybe maybe, yun yon._

"Ha? Anong sabi mo Josh?" He finally looks at Josh with a hint of annoyance.

"Kung nakakamatay yung tingin kanina pa game over si Sejun, magkaaway ba kayo?" 

He looks back at Sejun who pulls his mask down to take his medication like the responsible adult that he is. Completely unaware that he is being observed and talked about. "Hindi. Pano mag-aaway eh hindi nga kami nag-uusap."

There's a hint of mischief in Josh's eyes when he looked at him, but he's too sleep deprived to bother. "So asar ka kasi di kayo nag-uusap?"

"Bakit naman ako maaasar?" 

"Pano nga yung pagkakasabi ni Sejun?" Josh animatedly touches his chin to recall something. "Stell, hiwalay muna tayo ha." He is still smirking, clearly enjoying the moment.

"Ha? Anong problema mo Josh?!" 

"Ako wala, ikaw mukhang meron. Kaya nga tinatanong kita eh." Josh replies with a mocking tone. 

He looks at Josh with disbelief, only to find out that Justin and Ken is also looking at him with the same teasing expression. He loves them like brothers, seriously, with all his heart but there are instances like today when he just wants to leave them under a bridge.

"Ano namang pinaglalaban nyong tatlo?"

"Wala, ikaw Stell, baka may gusto ka ipaglaban." Justin smiles at him, well actually, more of a smirk.

_Alam na nya kung sinong una nyang iiwan sa ilalim ng tulay._

"Pinagtitripan nyo kong tatlo noh?"

"Hindi kaya, full support nga kami sa'yo eh." Josh replies with sincerity.

Ken and Justin nods in agreement while Josh looks at him with conviction and now he's not sure what's going on anymore. He stands up, planning to leave the weird trio.

_Might as well check if John Pau---_

"Hoy Stell!" Sejun shouts from the far end of the studio. "Wag ka makalapit lapit dito, alam ko yang binabalak mo!" His voice doesn't sound as bad as it was yesterday and that's a good sign.

He tries to hide his smile. He can always bet on Sejun to know what he's thinking. "Wala pa kong ginagawa alam mo na John Paulo?" 

"Alam kong namimiss mo na ko, pero dyan ka lang." Sejun replies with a smile and he can't help but smile in return.

He knows the _nami-miss_ remark was just a joke on Sejun's part but why is he feeling flustered? He decides to walk towards the cause of his miseries to clear his thoughts. There's nothing wrong, I'm just walking over there to check on him. It's normal.

When he finally reaches Sejun, his mind was reeling too fast. He's not supposed to justify any of his actions especially to himself but, he never felt the need to think of an excuse to approach Sejun. It's Sejun, it's not an exaggeration but they've always been together. Always.

A look of worry crosses Sejun's face and asks him. "Bat nandito ka?"

"Chine-check kung okay ka, bawal ba?" Yeah, that's the appropriate answer. He's just concerned, that's what friends do.

"Dun ka na sa kanila, baka mahawa ka." Sejun slowly backs away from him with a frown. 

He is not supposed to make him worry but he just wants to close the distance between them. It's not an excuse. It is just simply what he wants. To remove the few meters of distance that separates him and Sejun.

As he walks closer, he notices that Sejun's mask is resting under his chin. He unconsciously reaches out and fixes it, he readjusts the ear loop, tucking the stray locks of hair behind his ear. His eyes trailing the blush that his fingers caused when it brushed Sejun's ears. _He can blush all the way to his ears._ It's like he unlocked something precious. "O ayan, may mask ka na, pwede na ko mag-stay?" He looks at Sejun's eyes with a smile. He kind of regrets that he can't see Sejun's face anymore but it's better than staring at him from far.

Sejun who never fails to say a witty comeback just looks away and nods. "Five minutes lang, tapos balik ka na dun."

Stell felt his heart skip a beat, most of their fans say that Sejun is cute but he never saw the guy that way, not until now. Which is weird. _This is Pau._ One of the closest person he has in his life and he thinks he's cute and he just wants to keep him in his pocket.

_But not before touching him,_ which he did. He touches Sejun's forehead, the only part of his face that's not covered. "Mukhang effective yung work out natin kanina, wala ka nang lagnat." _He's still not contented though. What's wrong with him?_ He touches Sejun's neck. Because he's still checking his temperature, yes and he's rewarded with another blush, all the way down to Sejun's neck _and chest_ and Stell has never felt giddy with excitement like this before and he doesn't want to stop.

"Tapos na yung five minutes mo, Ajero."

Sejun's serious tone snapped him out of his momentary bliss. His hand is still on Sejun's neck. "Ah, okay, mamaya na lang Pau." He reluctantly lets go and walks back to the rest of the members. His palm still feeling the traces of warmth from Sejun's skin.

Five minutes was not enough.

When Sejun finally recovered from flu he excitedly announces it during breakfast. "Back to normal na! Magaling na ko."

Stell is happy obviously, the culprit who started all of this is the cursed flu and he's glad that it's gone. But he knows nothing will be normal ever again. It took him one flu episode to realize something and he doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry about it. 

Sejun is still happily chatting with Justin and Josh, he stares intently wondering if Sejun also felt the same way but he realizes that majority of intelligent human beings are also dense.

_Yeah, he wants to cry._

Ken taps his shoulder. "Uy Stell, magaling na si Sejun bakit ikaw naman ang mukhang may sakit?"

Sejun's expression immediately changes from happy to worried when he heard Ken. He holds Stell's arm to pull him closer, they're sitting opposite each other. When he's closer within reach, he puts a hand on Stell's forehead to check his temperature. "Naku Stell, okay ka lang ba?"

Stell looks straight into Sejun's eyes. He's happy that all his attention is now focused on him but he also wishes that his heart could stop its frantic beating. _Is Sejun even aware of what he's doing?_

They are normally touchy with each other, that he knows, but his recent realization just hit home really hard. How can he continue like this if with such a simple gesture, his heart already wants to beat out from his chest?

When he doesn't reply, Sejun holds his hand and squeezes it, just enough pressure to shake him out of his thoughts. "Tey, anong masakit sa'yo?"

Every time they start to talk about something serious, Sejun calls him 'Tey', never in his lifetime did he imagine that hearing his nickname from someone would send him to cardiac arrest. 

Yes, he fell _that hard._

Sejun is about to stand up and sit beside him, but he panics and screams internally _"Teka lang Pau, yung puso ko wait lang, mamaya ka na lumapit."_

Josh, who is sitting beside Sejun, holds him back from standing up. 

Josh, who is sitting beside Sejun, has seen Stell's expression the whole time.

Josh, who is sitting beside Sejun, knows what's going on.

"Okay lang yang si Stell, Sejun. Chill ka lang." He wraps an arm around Sejun's shoulders and looks at Stell. "Di ba Stell okay ka lang?" 

As Josh looks at him with a smirk, he felt as if a bucket of cold water from Narnia was poured at him without notice. He looks at Ken and Justin and why is he not surprised that they all have the same teasing expressions. Again. How many steps were they ahead of him? Ahead of them? He looks at Sejun, still looking worried for him but being held back by Josh.

How long can he keep this up?

What is he supposed to do now that this dormant emotion has been disturbed by the forces of nature? What do you do with an erupting volcano that indiscriminately destroys everything in its path with burning lava?

"Stop overthinking." Sejun who is still holding his hand speaks calmly and smiles at him.

He smiles in return, the turmoil in his heart fades away. Whatever happens, they will always have each other's back. 

No, his feelings aren't destructive elements of nature. 

Because Sejun will always be his warm sun after a long rainy day.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading


End file.
